16 Sunday, Year B 2021 – Loneliness and Solitude
At a time where we are supposed to be more connected than ever, why is it that some of us actually feel more lonely than ever before?
(https://wearesololiving.com/difference-between-living-alone-being-alone-solitude-loneliness/). This is the opening line of an online article on the difference between ‘solitude’ and ‘loneliness’. This sense of disconnection is a real problem. It seems that the more we connect through social media and online platforms the more separated we can feel from real connections with real people. Social media can often create the illusion of connection. We begin to call people who we have never met ‘friends’ and operate in a virtual world of ‘likes’, ‘sharing’ and ‘groups’. The language is a language of connection – but that’s really all.
The last year and a half of lockdowns have plunged many into a world of loneliness. Mother Teresa famously said back in the 1970’s that loneliness is the leprosy of the Western world. She is also often quoted as saying that ‘loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty’. This is a daily reality for so many. It is real and it’s painful.
Loneliness and Solitude
There is a marked difference between the experience of loneliness and an experience of solitude. Loneliness can be seen in terms of an emotional response we have to our feelings of isolation or being left behind or left out of things. We can feel loneliness is a physical way – it can and does really hurt, and it can and does make us sick. The remedy for feelings of loneliness is often not to so much surround ourselves with more people - we can feel just as lonely surrounded by people as we do on our own - but rather to immerse ourselves in experiences that allow us to cultivate a sense of connection and togetherness; experiences that allow us to feel wanted, valued and needed.
Loneliness can overtake us at any time, and we will all experience it in our lives. Maybe we are experiencing it right now. An experience of loneliness can drive us in on ourselves – we can lose energy, motivation and enthusiasm; we can feel depressed, isolated and alone. Looked at in another way, loneliness can also be an opportunity for us to begin to listen to what is going on inside of us and to ask ourselves – what connections am I missing from my life? – nature, art, music, dance, reading, waking, swimming, cooking, creating or even prayer and faith… We can, and do, experience loneliness because we have lost connection with the people, places and projects that nourish us. Are my feelings of loneliness and opportunity to reconnect with these?
Solitude is something quite different to loneliness. Whereas loneliness overtakes us, solitude is a choice. Solitude is also a spiritual endeavour – all the great saints, mystics and even Jesus practiced solitude. They withdrew to remote and quiet places to be alone with themselves and with God. Solitude was a vital practice for St Francis of Assisi who took himself away to forests and caves to spend days and even weeks in solitude. Through these experiences Francis was inspired, energised and renewed. He returned to the world ready for mission. An experience of solitude is not a luxury but a necessity if we are to follow the path of Jesus – we all need time to rest, renew and rekindle the flame within us. We all need time to be alone with ourselves and with God. I mean, how else will we be able to cope with life in the modern world?
In today’s Gospel (Mark 6: 30 -34), the Apostles return from their missionary experience. Jesus had sent them into places where the people didn’t want them and to preach a message that people didn’t really want to hear. This must have been exhausting and isolating. If we listen deeply, we can hear how skilfully Jesus ministers to them – he tells them ‘you need to go now and rest’. This rest Jesus speaks of is the rest of solitude. It’s more than just a good sleep or a nice meal; it’s the rest that comes from creating the time and space necessary for them to reflect on their experiences and to renew themselves for their next mission. As they were on their way to a remote place with Jesus, we see Jesus suddenly change his plans – he steps off the boat – leaving behind the Apostles – so that He could continue to minister those in need while the Apostles go to experience the refreshment of solitude. Jesus had more energy left to give especially to those who seemed lost and alone. Jesus ‘heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds’ as the Pslam 147 tells us.
We might well ask ‘How can we too live this experience of solitude in our own lives?’. The simple answer is that we have to make a choice to do it. We have to carve a little time out of our day to allow ourselves to practice solitude – to rest deeply; to be creative; to reflect on our day or some experience we’ve had or to contemplate how we are and who we are. I always find Jesus’ words helpful here (Matthew 11: 28 -30) – ‘Come to me all you who feel burdened and overwhelmed and, we can add, lonely or forgotten or undervalued – and I will give you rest. The rest that Jesus offers is the rest that renews and reenergises and brings with it the hope necessary to go on.
If, and when, we feel lonely, we are presented with an opportunity to consciously turn our focus away from ourselves and what we feel we lack and towards the presence of God in our lives. We have the opportunity to allow ourselves to get lost in some words of scripture such as – I have known you before you were born, you are precious to me, I have carved you in the palm of my hands (Isaiah 49: 16) or be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10), or ‘I am with you always’ (Matthew 28:20). You can of course choose a phrase or prayer that speaks to your experience and allow these prayerful phrases change our place of loneliness into a place of solitude. The quiet place where we go to meet the Lord.
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